Those wretched 187 days...

I'm thinking about my 187 days of waiting.
Wondering about the hidden preparation that has overtaken me...
Why do I remain in this 'liminal space'?

"My ways are not your ways," (Is. 55:8)

...echo's in my mind. Is this the cosmic patience of God..making me wait and wait?

"Our ways, you see, are the ways of instant-knowledge and instant-solutions and instant-gratification... We {must} begin picking up the deep rhythms of the Spirit, the heart beat of God. We begin thinking in terms of years and decades rather than minutes and hours." (Foster)

So, instead of pondering what I've lost, I should be...where?
Am I still stuck in my own INDEPENDENT ways? Is that what this is all about?

I feel as though I've been thrashing and wrestling with something...could it be the independence of my own ideas and desires?

Do I understand how to slowly release the need to manage and control life and instead find delight in God working to will and do his good pleasure in me?

I'm still there...thinking.