What Have I Lost?

"...one reason why we fuss so much about petty losses is because we cannot bear to face the inevitable larger ones that can never be redeemed or reclaimed..."

What is a 'petty' loss for you?

Losing your grocery list?

Your cellphone?

Maybe a library book?

I can deal with these, but it's the 'inevitable larger ones' that trip me up. Think back over the last six months...what have you lost that can't be redeemed or reclaimed? That's where I am...tonight.

I'm in a mellow and maybe over dramatic mood this evening. Maybe it's a little self-pity mixed with frustration and weariness, but I'm thinking about things I've lost. I'm still trying to understand and learn from this liminal space I've lived in for six months. UGH! Has it really been six months since I 'lost' my space, my comfort, and ministry ease?

I had found my niche in this city so far from the familiar. Finally, something felt right and purposeful. I had begun to create a 'place,' a role of ministry that was especially suited for my abilities and nature.

And then with a word it was over.

Now, 187 days later, I'm attempting to understand and navigate the out-of-control and bewildering emotions I have. The awful feeling of being off course and having no sense of direction. Daily, I contemplate metaphors like clueless, frustrated, aimless, and discouraged.