What does it mean to know and experience my own 'nothingness'?

It is not enough to turn away in disgust from my illusions and faults and mistakes, to separate myself from them as if they were not...by saying "I am nothing" I mean in effect "I wish I were not what I am."

This can flow from an experience of our deficiencies and of our helplessness, but it does not produce any peace in us. To really know our "nothingness" we must also love it. And we cannot love it unless we see that it is good. And we cannot see that it is good unless we accept it.

A supernatural experience of our contingency is a humility which loves and prizes above all else our state of moral and metaphysical helplessness before God.

Do we see and admit that our deficiencies are all ours and it is good? Good in the sense that it comes from God and even our helplessness and moral misery attracts us to the mercy of God?

-Thomas Merton from Thoughts in Solitude

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